BigStar

8 months ago

The DC Heidi Montag Is Alive And Screwing On The Guitarist From Journey (Dlisted)

The Seal Team 6, The National Guard, Sylvia Browne, peroxide-sniffing dogs and a group of concerned citizens (body count: 0) all gathered in Virginia this morning after noted STUNT QUEEN, White House Crasher and asshole of The Real Housewives of DC, Tareq Salahi, told TMZ that he believes his wife and partner in fakery Michaele Salahi was kidnapped since she hasn't been home for a full day. The good (?) news is that Michaele wasn't snatched, is still alive and simply took a midnight train. The bad news is that the midnight train wasn't headed for the edge of a cliff. The midnight train was headed for Nashville where Michaele met up with her side-piece Neal Schon from Journey. HAMber alert!

This pr stunt mess all started when Michaele called Tareq last night from a strange phone number and said she was going to her mom's. Michaele's mom told Tareq that she never spoke to her daughter and she wasn't at her house. So naturally, Tareq figured that Michaele was kidnapped and her abductors were making her say she's okay. When Michaele didn't come home this morning, Tareq begged the FBI to help him find his wife. The FBI rolled their eyes and wouldn't waste tax dollars on that mess since they know how the Salahis do it. Tareq later held a press conference where he said that he's being serious and asked the public to help him find his wife ("OKAY!" - nobody from the public).

Tareq might need the public to help him find a divorce attorney that works for free, because a rep for Journey confirms to TMZ that Michaele is traveling around Tennessee with her piece Neal Schon. A source claims that Michaele and Neal have known each for a while and used to crash each other's genitals.

Is TMZ sure they got a statement from the real rep from the real Journey? Knowing Michaele's lying ass, she's probably really dating a guy who once sold a guitar to Neal Schon on Craigslist and gets his biggest score on Guitar Hero when he plays "Any Way You Want It." I hope I'm right for Neal's sake. It's one thing to always get mistaken for a Claymation Bruce Springsteen, it's another for people to think that you're doing one of the White House Crashers.